The tour was to trek the Salkantay pass up to Machu Picchu. In total we were looking at 5 days of hiking through some pretty rugged terrain camping out most nights. We were allowed a 5kg baggage allocation each, to be carried for us by a group of mules. Anything additional had to be carried on ourselves each day.
The setup was simple, but in fine old Peruvian form, simple is still too hard. Things began to break down immediately. Our group of 13 soon became 21 as our “exclusive booking” turned out to be a lumping of a few different tour groups. Not too happy with this development we opted to separate from the others to retain our original booking size but with only one guide to run the entire 21 person group, this became a non event in the end.
So the first day began. First up was a truck ride with some locals to the start point of our trek. It was authentic to say the least.... Arriving at the start of the trek we were immediately off the truck and on our way to the first day’s target of some 13km hiking. It didn´t take long for us to realise our guide was a bit of a lazy bugger. He didn´t really afford us much in the way of commentary and when he left us with the directions “just keep walking for two hours until you reach the green house” I knew things were going to get interesting. And they did! Six green houses scattered around one hell of a hill, awesome.
We eventually made our way to the greenest of green houses to find our porters setting up our tents and two cooks preparing food. Lucky for us, it ended up that the guide had been syphoning money from the food allocation we had and as a result we received measly portions that had us diving into our rations to get our fill. What a helpful bloke! For those who know me even in the slightest, this didn´t sit well and I was starting to think down the mutiny path!
The green house.....
The view from our campsite
As it turned out, our meals over the next couple of days were all on the light side. This had me and a few others resorting to eating the food of those who didn´t have an appetite or simply didn´t want what was on offer. Pretty ordinary when we were promised “ample amounts”. Mutiny it was going to be!
Adversity is a good driver for bonding though and it didn´t take us very long as a group to really click. The circumstances only helped to speed up this happening. Day two was the hardest trekking day with a distance of 23km to be covered. It was this day that we ascended to 4600m, the peak of the Salkantay pass. The first 4 hours were steep, rocky and pretty much all straight up hill. Coupled with the affects of the altitude it was fairly hard work. The banter amongst the group was awesome though and we made a pretty good time of it.
Smashing it
These are rock offering at the peak. These are made from the stones of people carried here from their home towns. They are offered to mountains which are considered gods to the Incas. Salkantay mountain is considered a god of fertility and is regarded in the highest importantance. This is because as the snow from its enormous peak melts it brings fertility to the land. That is a very simplified version of what I was told which was not rated for the general viewing public. Something to do with male reproductive analogies n all.....
After the pass the snow and rain set in and we quickly made a dash for the lower reaches of the mountain and our lunch break. With more awesome instructions to follow off the guide, “stop at the house with the tin roof”, we soon found ourselves wet and totally lost as we searched some 10 or more houses which all had tin roofs. Eventually sheltering in a house with some bloke cooking by a fire, we refused to move. Luckily, as it turned out that this guy was another of our cooks and we had stumbled into the right “house with a tin roof”. Lucky for everyone I would have to say because I was not moving and I was going to eat whatever it was he had!
After a few more hours of trekking, the end of the day came as a relief. We set up camp in a small village fringing on the jungle. Hanging our clothes out to dry, we all stretched out and had a few beers to relax.
The amount of waterfalls coming off the snow capped mountains was just the most amazing thing ever. The only thing that dwarfed them was the shear size of the mountains!
Later that night in our small tent, as I slept jammed from one corner to the other, I felt someone messing around with the front zipper. Thinking it was Toni trying to get out and go to the toilet in the pitch darkness I moved my feet out of the way. Soon enough the messing around stopped and I was back to sleep. Not more than 5 minutes later, again it began. Thinking this was now Toni coming back I was patient but when it kept on going I came out with “Toni, what the hell are you doing!” Reaching across though I felt Toni beside me! FARK, someone was stealing our stuff! Jumping to attention I raced out the tent to find Toni´s bag outside and no one there. I quickly dashed around the campsite before I realised I couldn´t see anything in the darkness. I returned to the tent to find I had caught the thieves before they could lift anything of ours. Checking the other tents they all appeared intact. I decided to wake everyone to let them know what was happening though as a matter of prudency. All were grateful, including the Spanish speaking contingent, who copped some pretty ordinary Spanish at 1pm in the morning. There was only one tent that I could not rouse, the one with the two Danish girls Julie and Charlotte.
The next morning we woke to hear Charlotte crying. She had had everything stolen including her clothes, camera, passport, cash, everything! What bastards! Our guide was already on the spot looking bemused. I told him my story in total only for him to retort with “are you sure you didn´t put the bag outside your tent yourself?”. !!! This prompted a big “are you a F@cking idiot!” from me. I was being robbed you dick! The questions became more and more ridiculous as it seemed impossible from his end that we could have been robbed! We must have done this ourselves was the Peruvian consensus. With me being the patient understanding person I am, I promptly began to lose my compunction. With a few aptly chosen words, heads were straightened out and the locals started to at least pretend to do stuff. We were in a town of 10 families, someone knew who did this. Friggin useless Peruvians!
Soon enough, the girls were introduced to the village leader, their stories were taken and they were driven off to the nearest police station where some more Peruvian incompetence could be dragged into the fray, just in a more formalised manner. After this debacle a noticeable rift had formed between the guide staff and us. This did not stop us from continuing though and we trekked an additional 5 hours or so through some pretty spectacular jungle landscapes. The group amused itself as the guide settled to walking on his lonesome. At about midday we had lunch at a little town of some name that eludes me. After lunch Toni ran a little yoga session on a grassy patch to limber us all up after 3 days of walking. Loose and a little calmer, we were soon piled into a little bus and driven to the town of Santa Terresa. We were not too sure why we were driven this leg. In our opinion we could have easily walked it making the whole experience a little more authentic. Explanations were pretty scarce to this extent as well.
In Santa Terresa we camped at a little campground on the outskirts of town. Here we were met by Julie and Charlotte who had just been at the local police station. Apparently the police wanted to search all of our bags for their goods! The idiocy of these people was ridiculous. Considering we were carrying all we had and were all struggling to get under the 5kg imposed weight limit of the trek, where the hell could one or even two of us fit another 2 backpacks worth of goods! It was here were more questions were posed by the guide. All were along the lines of “you just lost the stuff yourself didn´t you”. Dude was going to cop an ass whooping, and I was going to give it, that was all I had to say! But before anything could happen, the police man decided all of a sudden the bags didn´t need to be searched and he was on his way..... This was the point were a bunch of us decided enough was enough. We were doing whatever the hell we wanted and screw the lies being put to us. So we headed off to the local hot springs for a long deserved dip/shower. In the spring we got up to a few shenanigans in the usual Aussie sorta way. We introduced the Dutch and Danish to the art of pool canon balling. This was all to the delight of the locals who basically left the pool to us in fear of being involved inadvertently in our mischief. Overstaying the curfew imposed by the guide we had a few beers and did our thing. On the way home we stopped the bus and bought two bottles of rum, some coke and a few nibblies. Tonight was going to be a big one around the campfire. It wasn´t long before we were back at the camp and off our faces impersonating, as best as we could, a bunch of drunken yobbos. Toni burnt the German guy Henry´s walking stick on the fire along with anything else she could get her mischievous hands on. She then stole a rum bottle and skulled as much as she could before passing out in the long grass. The night was spectacular and kicked on well into the morning before we called it quits. Probably not a usual occurrence for a 5 day serious trek, but hey we were finding it pretty easy going and we felt like the group needed a bit of unwinding after all that had happened.
Canonball!
Old Sammy boy snuck on off with one of the Danish girls that night and as a result kicked his mate Dave out of the tent. Maybe he was trying to make her feel better about having her stuff stolen...... Dave, a little stuck for a place to sleep asked Sam at least for his sleeping bag and mattress, only to have the tent zipper promptly openned and both thrown at his head. Pretty funny from an onlookers stand point I thought until it ended up Dave had to fit into our tent too! That was cosy, especially since Toni was off her face and basically starfishing in the middle of us two. Saweeet!So hung over and sleep deprived, we were up at six in the morning and reminded that today we had to carry all our bags and not just our day packs because the horsemen had finished their leg. Cool. So with some 15kg´s of baggage on, we trekked for about 5 hours in the blearing sun along a dusty road. Hmmm, drinking the night before didn´t seem like the wisest of options during this period of time. But we did it and made it to lunch. After lunch we made another 3 hours progress to the Machu Picchu gate way town of Aguas Calientes.
Hung over as hell
In Aguas Calientes we were put up in a hostel where we could have a warm shower and clean ourselves! Ahhhhhhh it was almost spiritual. Soon it was to the bar for some more beers and a spot of food. A little later we were brought together for dinner where we were given a bit of a rubbish spiel from our guide before being presented our Machu Picchu entry passes and our return train tickets. Oh my god, the number of mistakes on each was ridiculous. Names, passport numbers, ages and even sexes were messed up on nearly all of them! We were told this wasn´t a problem and that the guide would meet us at the gate of Machu Picchu to ensure all ran smoothly. Rigggggghhhhht. The next event to happen was the handing out of the tour review cards......super saweeet J All the group took great pleasure in reading what I had wrote as I had no intention of holding back. This done, we were off. No one wanted to hang around any longer.It was a 4am start the next morning as we made our way down to the first of two check points up to Machu Picchu. We were the first to arrive at the gate and even with our dodgey paperwork and Charlotte´s lack of passport we all managed to get through. Deciding to set a cracking pace, Dave, Sam, Tom and myself pushed for the mountain top. In the end, I was first to Machu Picchu for that day closely followed by the others. The pace was a cracking 34 minutes, well ahead of the rest of the field! Taking line honours we then waited another 45 minutes for the gates to open in order to be the first admitted. It was high fives all around as we dashed to get some photos of Machu Picchu with no one in them.
Machu Picchu in the mist.
As expected, there was no guide to be seen after we entered. So making the collective decision of “stuff him” we all set off to explore. It was about 45 minutes later when the guide found us. He was a little annoyed that no one waited for him! Not getting the hint, he set about trying to start the tour. Before all this though, he came out with the revelation that he had been reading the groups reviews and was really hurt by what we had written. Awkward..... But Dave, Sam, Toni and me couldn´t give a crap. I actually got a photo of the moment where he broke the news because I thought it was memorable!
After his little rant, he put down some pretty rubbish facts and figures that had me and Dave losing our stuff. I turned to Dave and said “stuff this guy, let’s bail and go get another guide! I don´t want my Machu Picchu experience wrecked by this tard”. So hatching a plan to keep the group in one spot by asking a barrage of stalling questions, Dave handed me his backpack and was off to the entry gate to find another guide. Returning about 15 minutes later he ran up to the group saying “guys, I have a guide, he speaks great English, he has been doing this for 2 years solid and charges $40 for however many people you want”. I replied with “Awesome lets bail and hire him!” But Dave had thought of all and had him just waiting around the corner. What a guy! So spreading the word, the Aussie contingent and the Danes (Toni was there also but hey, she is American and worth less of a mention.....) decided to bail. Leading the pack we just simply walked off to a better Machu Picchu experience. The new guide´s name was Radar and he was absolutely brilliant. He answered all our questions and really got us so involved in the whole experience. We were so impressed with him that we actually tipped him the money we were supposed to have given our guide of 5 days.
Our new guide Radar.
The top of Huynapicchu. Machu Picchu is in the background.
The top was spectacular. We stopped for some lunch and took in the views before slowly descended to explore more ruins. Finding a pack of grazing llama grazing on some terracing we took the opportunity to get some memorable photos. Problem.......Llama are set lose on Machu Picchu to cut the grass, and that is all they want to do. A llama with it´s head down doesn´t take a good photo. So egging Dave on (he really wanted a photo with the llamas) I convinced him to pull the llama´s neck hair in order to raise their heads so we got some excellent photos. All it took was a little reassurance that llama won’t kick you or get violent, they were wusses. This was a pretty made up fact, but it filled Dave with confidence. He would have never done this otherwise considering how close he was to the edge of the terracing, beyond which was a 100 plus metre drop! But nothing went wrong, making everything ok. Although, one of the llama, thoroughly fed up with the treatment, did run off and buck at a random American tourist.... Even llama hate Americans haha.
Damn sexy llama
Walking around we took a few more photos, got in a bit more trouble for jumping on the terracing and had a local attendant basically lose his stuff at us for a host of things. People are so uptight about their cultural heritage.
Nine hours later we were done. It took us another hour or so to descended back to Aguas Calientes. You can probably guess what we did when we arrived..... We went to the pub. Buying a big feed as well we ate and drank until it was time to catch our train home. Thoroughly exhausted we arrived in Cusco at 11pm that night and promptly flaked out.
What a trek and what a great adventure. The next day we complained to the booking agent about the trip and about the guide. They were pretty furious and actually called him into our hostel for a review. I arrived on the scene to have the head tour agent reading our review cards and repeatedly asking “where is Andrew Couse!” Sticking my head in I got my chance to confront our guide and tell him he was a nit. At this point in time I didn´t care and with the example set, others chimed in setting a pretty convincing chorus. But what is done is done though. My story was told and for me despite the downfalls, we had an awesome group and hence the best ever experience. We handled a bungled trip with some awesome banter. We all made some pretty good friendships and completed the hardest route to Machu Picchu. Not bad if I do say so. And though the story tells of a poorly organised expedition, I think the photos show the fun had. 
I protest the part about my drinking...I was not skulling it I simply was not drinking it with mixer, because I am not a princess. Second I did not pass out in the grass, I was making grass angels and was completely aware of my actions. Henry´s stick was already in the fire when I got there. And you know you love Imericaans. ;]
ReplyDeletePlus you left out the part about you and Sam beating me ruthlessly leaving me covered in bruises that are STILL there going on 2 weeks later.
All of this aside I do miss the banter and am off to compile a new group of Aussies to abuse.
~TONI~
Hello from your friends at the Sorrento Cooking School. Just checking in to see if you guys had yet given up this life of crime (we are just jealous), but alas, you are still at it while the rest of us toil away. We've already planned next year's trip back to Sorrento so perhaps we will meet there again, same time, same channel!
ReplyDeleteHave a great holiday season if we don't speak to you!
Ann and Tom
Hey guys how is it going. Glad to see it is not only my mum reading these posts ;) Yeah I´m still doing the travelling thing but only for another 3 weeks then I have to grow up again. Big bummer on that front.
ReplyDeleteHow did I know you would be returning to Italy for another year.... Hope you have a great time. I´m not to sure if I can afford myself the luxury of heading back to Italy for more cooking lessons haha. Andrew.